Tatoeba day #4 - Funny sentences

Deutsch

1. Du solltest mit dem Rauchen aufhören. [#396588]
2. Durch die Blume gesagt: Verdufte! [#795808]
3. Wenn ich gut zeichnen könnte, würde ich Bilder im Stil von "Wo ist Walter?" malen, aber Walter weglassen. [#812497]
4. Ihr Profil: Sie haben Ihr Studium der Betriebswirtschaften, der Wirtschaftsinformatik oder idealerweise mit dem Leben abgeschlossen. [#610363]
5. Die "Kunst der Fuge" ist kein Lehrbuch für Klempner. [#808985]
6. Ich bin das Fliegende Spaghettimonster. Du sollst vor Mir nichts mit anderen Monstern haben. (Hinterher ist OK; schütz dich einfach.) Das einzige Monster, das Großschreibung verdient, bin Ich! Andere Monster sind falsche Monster und verdienen keine Großschreibung. [#786661]
7. Die giftigsten Schlangen sind die, in die sich jemand hineingedrängelt hat. [#809842]
8. Tatsächlich ist ein halbes Auge sehr nützlich, denn mit einem halben Auge kann ein Tier die Hälfte von einem anderen Tier sehen, das es auffressen will, und ihm aus dem Weg gehen, und es wird selber das Tier fressen, das nur ein Drittel-Auge oder nur 49% eines Auges hat, weil dieses ihm nicht schnell genug aus dem Weg gehen wird, und das Tier, das aufgefressen wurde, wird keine Kinder bekommen, weil es tot ist. [#653]
9. Als Schüler war er sozusagen süchtig nach Schwänzen. [#793438]
10. Er spricht englisch. [#811502]

English

1. When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. [#667976]
2. We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. [#2343]
3. Forecasting is the way of saying what will happen and then explaining why it didn't. [#361147]
4. Christopher Columbus's infinite accomplishments are a threat to Google, who do not know how to index infinity when someone searches for "Christopher Columbus". [#536623]
5. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. [#502597]
6. Save a human. Eat a cannibal. [#451569]
7. When an average person sends a message in a bottle, it's just a childish fantasy. When Christopher Columbus sends a message in a bottle, the fate of an entire country is at stake. [#549245]
8. Do you think that Spermophilus predators have night vision? [#795947]
9. The Romans would never have had the chance to conquer the world if they had first been required to study Latin. [#800888]
10. In Soviet Russia, sentence writes you! [#478089]
11. Numerous violent and sudden casualties among C++ developers are caused by segmentation faults every year. [#708101]
12. Tatoeba: Where sentences are always sentences, except when they aren't. [#451893]
13. There are three different types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't. [#539572]
14. From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. [#502598]
15. Trolling is a art. [#653143]
16. Christopher Columbus was notorious for repeatedly snoozing his alarm clock by hitting it with his fist. Unfortunately, his "alarm clock" was usually his first mate. [#551085]
17. If you discover any problems on Tatoeba, you should go ahead and blame Sysko. [#797530]
18. I think I spider. [#804809]
19. Christopher Columbus once landed on the moon, but mistook it for Antarctica. [#537226]
20. "Why are you duct-taping that cheeseburger to the wall?" "It's a form of art." [#793380]
21. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. [#1854]
22. The world follows one golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules. [#502380]
23. Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day [#667964]
24. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty lady is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. [#509746]
25. A carcase is not a box for a motorized vehicle. [#794370]
26. The Germans have an inhuman way of cutting up their verbs. Now a verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it's all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German. [#552745]
27. Learning Klingon will be of great use for his career as a businessman. [#798039]
28. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. [#349900]
29. With his crew stranded at sea, Christopher Columbus was able to save them from starvation by pulling 100 rabbits out of his hat. [#538857]
30. Tatoeba: Don't cum here on Friday nights, kids. [#518410]
31. It is true that behavior cannot be legislated, and legislation cannot make you love me, but legislation can restrain you from lynching me, and I think that is kind of important. [#414158]
32. An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. [#690971]
33. Christopher Columbus once cut himself with a knife. It made him so angry that he then cut the knife... with himself. [#545957]
34. You must absolutely not lick the floor. [#794934]
35. Lola the cow, Lola the cow, she's smart and she brings trouble, and she goes mooooo. [#707430]
36. Come on, baby, fight my liar! [#798379]
37. Minnesota's state bird is the mosquito. [#418525]
38. For some strange reason I talk to me dogs with an Irish accent. [#663035]

Français

1. Quand on commence à ressembler à la photo de son passeport, on devrait partir en vacances. [#3368]
2. Se taire en classe c'est respecter le sommeil des autres. [#4199]
3. C'est ainsi que Pandark se perdit dans sa chambre et on ne le revit plus jamais. Certains disent qu'il est mort de faim, d'autres qu'il erre encore à la recherche de ses CDs. [#690203]
4. Si vous prêtez 20$ à quelqu'un et que vous ne revoyez plus jamais cette personne, ça valait probablement le coup. [#4195]
5. La logique est une méthode systématique pour arriver à la mauvaise conclusion en toute confiance. [#4200]
6. Bière qui coule, ramasse ta mousse. [#780195]
7. Le meilleur moyen de prendre un train à l'heure, c'est de s'arranger pour rater le précédent. [#4197]
8. Si vous pensez que l'éducation coûte cher, attendez de voir ce que l'ignorance vous coûte. [#4229]
9. Il ne faut compter que sur soi-même. Et encore, pas beaucoup. [#4198]
10. Quand un philosophe me répond, je ne comprends plus ma question. [#438774]

Lojban

1. .o'i mu xagji sofybakni cu zvati le purdi [#635831]
2. ta ba'o cribe .i ta cribe pesxu [#780345]
3. xu lo mlatu pe la romas. latmo latcmo [#798005]
4. pau je'i xu ki'a cu'e mo fi'a xo ma pei [#812842]
5. na nei [#663940]
6. le tadji cu palci [#781428]
7. lo celxa'i na catra lo prenu .i lo prenu cu catra lo prenu [#766568]
8. zgikrxumpa ko [#791197]
9. ie do mi prami [#779051]
10. .a'u mu'i ma do latcmo [#797889]

Español

1. Una vez, Cristóbal Colón se cortó con un cuchillo. Esto le enfadó tanto que entonces cortó el cuchillo...con su propio cuerpo. [#546622]
2. Cuando estés enfadado, cuenta hasta cuatro. Cuando estés muy enfadado, maldice. [#668528]
3. Cristóbal Colón peleó una vez contra Cancerbero, el guardián de tres cabezas del inframundo, con nada más que su sombrero. [#536619]
4. Soy el Monstruo del Espagueti Volante. No adorarás a otros monstruos antes que a Mí. (Después está bien, sólo usa protección). ¡El único monstruo que merece ir con mayúscula soy Yo! Los otros monstruos son monstruos falsos, que no merecen ir con mayúscula. [#598096]
5. Un rectángulo es un cuadrado de lados desiguales dos a dos. [#703894]
6. Con su tripulación varada en el mar, Cristóbal Colón fue capaz de salvarles de morir de inanición al sacar 100 conejos de su sombrero. [#538858]
7. Hasta ahora no sabía para qué se había creado la eternidad. Es para darnos a algunos de nosotros una oportunidad para aprender alemán. [#627869]
8. Cualquier hombre capaz de conducir con prudencia mientras besa a una chica guapa simplemente no está prestando tanta atención al beso como éste merece. [#812889]
9. Nadie que haya llamado a Cristóbal Colón "Cris" ha vivido para hacerlo una segunda vez. [#538862]
10. Cómete una rana viva cada mañana, y no te pasará nada peor durante el resto del día. [#668522]